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Update: 3 weeks since liver transplantation

The two words that come to for me when I consider the past week of my physical and emotional healing process are Pain and Love, respectively. Since last Thursday night and into Friday when I had my 3rd liver biopsy, my internal pain monitor has gone over the top of anything that I’ve experienced in this lifetime to date. By Tuesday, when I had the remains of the staples removed, my pain turned into something worse still.

Meanwhile, my liver enzymes, while not normal, are improving little by little, and the surgeons are content with how the wound looks from the outside, at least.

Tonight I had a last minute CT Scan to try to address where the origin of the pain is coming from, when I could have told them without the CT scan – I HAVE BEEN STABBED! Joking aside, this is actually what it feels like, over and over again every time I breathe or move.

I have been chanting to overcome the pain, and it works. The healing mantra that I have been using is Jai Shri Krishna Sharanam Mama, to be chanted 108 times with my name. I was given this mantra by my teacher, Sharon Gannon, during my Jivamukti teacher training in 2007, however, I had no idea about its depth or importance at that time. Sharon-ji has been educating me about its true meaning, and chanting it on my behalf from New York. She has invited the global satsang to chant and meditate every day on my behalf , and  Jivamukti Yoga in NYC has an altar set up complete with candles and my picture specifically for this purpose. I am beyond grateful for all who aim to participate, for this is not just any mantra. Sharon has explained to me that this is a healing mantra that means total surrender*. It means that all who chant are trusting that I am aligned with the universe, with God–with love itself–that which is boundless and limitless joy. This is the Love I have come to know so clearly this week, best explained by my previous post More on emotions.

The results of the CT Scan are back, and it shows there is fluid buildup on the wound called a hematoma, which is basically a fancy way of saying there is a deep bruise. On top of this, here appears a different fluid on the lungs, and my white cell blood count is up. I await the doctors’ rounds tomorrow when they will decide a course of action.

And with that, sleep. Tomorrow is a new day. Good night, Good morning.

———————————————————————————————————————- *In case you are looking for a further breakdown of the sanskrit of the mantra, the Krishna Seva website has explained the mantra as such: SHRI–When a Jiva utters this syllable he will achieve blessedness and will also obtain worldly and other worldly benefits. KRU–by pronouncing this syllable one will bring an end to her sins. SHNAH-This syllable will help her keep the three fold afflictions at a distance. SHA–This will grant freedom from the cycle of birth and death. RA –This gives an insight into the spiritual sports (lilas) of Bhagwan together with an understanding of the form of Guru. NAM–This will give birth to firm and unique devotion in the heart of a devotee. MA–This will encourage deep and ardent love in the devotees for VRAJ and also for the Guru who brightens the knowledge about the form of Divinity.
 MA–This will help in obtaining “SAYUJYA” or the intimate union with Shri Hari. Thus the eight letter syllable mantra turns out to be the giver of all accomplishments

This mantra will help keep the three fold afflictions at a distance. These three types of worries are Adhibhautik, Adhyatmika and Adhidaivik, meaning Bodily, Mental, and Spiritual.  The bodily misery comes from thinking it worthless like wheng (cow dung). The mental suffering comes in the form of insult, dishonor etc.,, and the spiritual misery is due to God’s will in delaying the Gracefilled alignment.

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