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The Eye of Me

This is…. My new best friend.

It’s my second visit to A+E in less than a week. Based on this, and a handful of other recent visits to urgent care over the past 6 months, I can honestly say the healthcare system is in overwhelm. 100 + people formed a queue outside the building earlier today. Waiting in solidarity. Waiting in pain.

The week has been a whirlwind of diagnoses, from migraine to cluster headache to acute allergic reaction to shingles to ocular shingles- what’s next?I’m in some way relieved to be here, to get clearer on what’s going on by taking the myth (of Shiva exploding through my third eye and blinding me in my final step of Awakening, natch) to reality - that my body is saying NO.

I have been sitting for 5 hours in an eye exam closet, mainly due to the fact that one of the nurses on duty is pregnant. Pregnant and shingles don’t mix.

The last time I had shingles was when Louis was born. He arrived 7 weeks early and was likely screaming “Get me outta here!” as he came into this world. Due to the shingles we were separated for 5 of the most grief-filled days as he was swiftly taken to the neonatal ward and I was chucked into the ‘2 1/2 floor’ isolation room, John Malcovich style. I wailed and wailed to be with my new child.

Not long after surviving those 32 weeks together through serious challenges, I temporarily went blind. I was so vitamin A deficient that I found myself living in dwindling light. At that moment I resigned myself to the real possibility of going blind. There were several weeks where I considered this future and came to terms with it.

When I was finally seen by my specialist, it only took one infusion and the world was again as seen in technicolour.

As I sit here tonight and wait, my eyes are again what’s in question. Apparently Ocular Shingles can lead to blindness. Because there are blisters on my left eyelid, inner and outer eye, and because of the insane pain and feeling that my eyes have been charcoaled out, various MDs told me to get my ass to the A+ E. So here I sit, writing this, and looking for a good voice-to-text dictation app.

Hope to ‘see’ you soon. 👁

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