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Godsapon a time

All in all, today was a pretty good day. Since about midnight last night I was what hospital folk call “null by mouth”‘, when the patient can’t eat or drink. “Null by mouth” is a good indicator that the doctors will be performing a procedure that involves some aspect of the waterworks or digestive system, or at least, the territory of the torso.

I was going to have my abdomen scanned for fluid with an ultrasound, and then to drain any fluid seen using a drain that would be left in afterwards. Normally it is a benign procedure using only local anesthetic, but due to the problems yesterday, I would be under full sedation.

My wonderful mother, who arrived by coincidence for a visit nine days before I got the call for my transplant, was at the hospital by 9am, as I was told it would be done first thing in the morning. Seven hours later, at 4pm, we were finally met by Monsieur Porter, and taken to the radiology ward.

We had a further hour wait once we were downstairs, my mother doing everything in her power to make me feel comfortable despite horrible nausea, pain and dehydration. With nothing to eat or drink since midnight the previous night, I was relying the cannula to feed me a fluid that would keep me hydrated. An unfortunate aspect of the past 12 hours is that my cannula kept popping out; in fact I had four separate cannulas pop out and need re-affixing throughout the day, As a result, for most of the day I wasn’t able to benefit from the fluid bag.

My mother was gently compassionate, and at some point while waiting she said, “it’s just not fair, all you’ve had to go through…” I can imagine how difficult it must be, to witness your chlld going through repeated hurdles of pain. However, I didn’t and don’t feel this way, and had to set her straight.

I reponded to my mother saying how incredibly lucky I feel; blessed. I consider this a blip in the continuum which will enable me to have a beautiful, long life with my ever expansive family all over the world. The primary reason I feel blessed, however, is that I have a new relationship with God, the most important relationship of my life, as it is also the relationship with myself, with my son, with each and every one of you, with the earth, the trees, the animals, the sun and moon. My relationship with God is everywhere, God within me, God with you, God in the birds in the sky, God in the waters and sea life in oceans. God is everywhere and always expanding, together with my heart now that I have come into this new relationship. All the pain and struggle of the recent weeks have uncovered a diamond in an ancient and slightly run down temple. I have the rest of my life to tend to this temple, to make it a magnificent resting place for the Divine.

My mother, teary eyed, stared into my eyes and I saw the most beautiful eyes, so pure, reflecting back at me. What a purely beautiful spirit, my mother!

The procedure went off without a hitch and tonight as type my body feels slightly exhausted, but there is a renewed energy within me that is imbued with purpose. I am ready to blossom back into the world of living fully, one step at a time, cleaning my temple, making it look like the love I feel.

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